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Health, Fitness, Work and Lifestyle Blog (part 3)

Current details:

Age: 45

Height: 5ft 11

Weight: 16.13 stone/lbs.

Daily Affirmations & Visualisations:

I can not say I have been successful this week with these, I would have said them at times throughout the day possibly but overall a poor week of commitment to this i would say.

(see blog one for list of affirmations and visualisations)

Medication: Inhalers, Laprozol, Nail treatment lotion, nasal sprays.

The Laprozol along with cutting out a lot of foods has made a big difference, I do not remember taking any antacid medication this week or having heartburn. I have gone quite a few weeks now without using my blue inhaler and also nights without the purple inhaler. I have been applying the nail lotion every morning and you can now visibly see that it is working, the nails coming through are healthy and the infected areas are growing out so I must keep this up. The nasal wash and spray have had little to know effect that I can recognize.

Current condition, thinking, work & lifestyle:

It's been a mixed bag of a week. On one hand I have slipped and eaten a few packets of crisps, the odd chocolate bar and biscuits but on the other I have eaten a fair bit of fruit this week and have cut out the takeaway coffees. For the most part of the week Joanne and myself started going for a forty five minute walk in the evening after work and tea which felt good but that was probably undone by having a takeaway curry one evening and domino's pizza on the Saturday.

The week has been a little more stressful than normal mainly because of people and work, things didn't go how certain people thought they should so instead of looking at themselves they lashed out at me, so I had to endure a few days of whatsapp messages and threats of this that and the other, which is never nice but unfortunately this is what people do. Easier to blame others and come up with excuses than look at the bigger situation and the role they play. This is also an important lesson for me, always trust your gut and I know this but against my better judgment I thought I would give people a chance and as usual it has come full circle and bit me on the ass. So this is why I have changed my attitude and feelings about certain things and people over the years. Unfortunately some people don’t deserve to be helped or offered an opportunity, they will never change, you are just another sucker who is either too kind or to dumb to realize that they will just suck you dry and then move on to the next sucker. I've never been a big believer in different classes of people, many things affect how a person is, many that they do not even realise. Social conditions, parenting, education, friendship, work, ect ect. But I never had great conditions as a kid and I did not need to be taught how to be a decent person, nor did I ever look to take advantage and rip people off knowingly. The last few years have allowed me to start meeting all different types of people, different cultures, and different beliefs. Not everyone is looking over their shoulder. A lot of people have a level of happiness and are not struggling or looking to shit on people. Also there are many people who have had difficulties but are prepared to look at themselves, work on themselves, make the changes required to make a better life. Others will never understand.

Game of life or game of poker.

On my way home now from London on the train, I traveled down to meet a client on Friday and thought I might as well play some poker while I'm here, so it worked out well if you look at it from that angle. That was until I got knocked out of the poker tournament, which for a few hours now leaves you feeling deflated and pissed off with everything and the world. Especially when you have made day two of the tournament. I had been playing well, feeling comfortable and then got the chips over the line with the best hand and the other player hit the card they so desperately needed on the river. I have to stand, grab my coat and take the dreaded walk of shame, the walk of failure, another dream so cruelly crushed as the table dealer shouts out “seat open table 15 seat 8” and I’m heading for the exit door. But poker is a bit like life, there are a lot of similarities, especially tournament poker. Everyone enters the tournament and starts off exactly the same, everyone has the same amount of poker chips. You may be placed on a difficult table with experienced and professional players or you may get a softer table of amateurs, usually there's a good mix but just like when you enter life your social surroundings are randomly selected. As you begin to play there will be players at the table who are very aggressive and want to be the table bully, others taking too many risks at the wrong time and then the more cautious players just sitting there never playing a hand and just waiting for good cards to arrive. Once every now and again they do but by then everyone at the table realises what's going on and just folds and gets out of the way or worse the good players will take advantage, like a hungry shark entering a pool of fish, they play the game with experience and knowledge sniffing out weakness like stealing candy from a baby. So waiting for premium cards is one option but more often than not they don't turn up that often and you can spend the whole tournament wasting away until death arrives without a fight. The aggressive players will either do well for a short period of time or will be knocked out very quickly, they may re enter again for the original buy in cost and then do it all over again, we call these the maniacs, but they can either be a blessing or curse depending on which side of the coin it lands for you. The quiet player is protecting there chips, they are to scared to take a chance in case they lose and they do not want to reenter, so they hold on to there poker chips tightly not realizing they never really played and eventually the chips dwindle away to nothing and they get knocked out anyway, now don't get me wrong they might have short periods of success were they seem to have a lot of chips but the protection attitude and fearful of losing mindset just prolongs the inevitable. So as you learn to adapt to your surroundings at the table you have to find a mixture of playing styles, at times it's good to take the lead and be aggressive other times patient and caution are warranted too, sometimes you will be dealt premium cards a bit of luck going your way and that can make things easier for a while. Other times you will need to find good spots to pick up chips either against the bully or the quiet Conservative players just like in life, you have to try and avoid the dangers and capitalize on the opportunities. Now just like in life on most occasions things don't work out, the cards don't come, the opportunities are missed and sometimes you do everything you can and then you just get unlucky and it goes against you. Throughout a tournament just like in life the emotions are dragged all over the place, one minute you're doing well and feeling on top of the world and that everything is going your way, ten minutes later you can be feeling empty and rejected calling out to the gods in frustration and how can they be so unfair. You may think your a good person and help others so why am I not getting any luck with the cards, opposite you sits a person who just gives off negative or nasty vibes, offensive to staff and other players, talking on the phone bragging at there misuse of others or substance abuse to themselves, but yet they sit there with all the chips in front of them like everything is going there way. And just like in life you ponder how is this fair, but life just like poker is not set up to be fair, energy, god the universe or what ever higher power you wish to name it by does not judge or deliver what you perceive to fair, we can only assume there is a karma but that does not get delivered on our timescale and say so and also we don't have all the facts and know everything so who are we to judge others. So we have to trust and believe how things will unfold. That's not to avoid the fact that all we know is, at that moment it all seems so unfair. As I travel home now on the train I too feel this unfairness, I feel like saying fuckoff to everyone and everything, why should I bother with things, why should I reach out to others and do things like it does not bring me anything in return as of yet, it may never will. I have plenty of other work and projects ongoing, I could quite as easily sit at home and do very little so my feelings now just like in life leave you feeling empty and why bother. Over the coming hours when I start to look at things from different perspectives those feelings will lesson and be replaced with more positive feelings and those of gratitude. When I realized I was able to travel to London and take part in the tournament in the first place. I was able to meet, talk and learn with some great people. I got to see things I would not normally have seen. I got to stay in a luxury hotel and to the most extent relax. After all I'm doing what I want to do, I'm not have to do anything I don't want to. Back at home I have a great family, a home to live in and food in the cupboards. On Monday many men will have a job to go to and earn good money because of businesses that I have created. As I travel back home on this train I have no worries or stress, I'm in reasonable health, I'm just temporarily pissed because things never went my way, but that's no different to life. Now going forward I have a choice, I may choose to play another tournament and put myself through all those emotions again only this time I will be a little better than before due to my learning experience from the past, I maybe able to even realize that these things happen in poker just like in life and with a different attitude and approach handel the setbacks more easily. I may choose to not play again, why bother it never goes my way or I always get unlucky. There were over 500 people in that tournament and only one person will eventually be the winner, which means 499 are going to feel just like me. Just like in life the odds are not always great, so many people follow the same thing, some with better skills, some with deeper pockets, some even seem to have more luck but that's just like life. You have the ups, you have the downs, you have the dangers, you have the opportunities, most times it feels like nothing is going your way and everything is against you but then every once in a while you have the good times, you get to the final table or better still come 1st and win the tournament. Trying at anything can bring many disappointments and feelings of failure or why bother, but surely it's better to try and have a go than not even try. What is the alternative? You don't get to play for the trophy if you do not enter the tournament and you do not learn, experience and grow if you do not take part. Life really is a game, maybe it's a game of poker.

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